Vader's party
by ptah
Summary: Darth Vader just graduated and Palpatine is preaparing a party which all the bad guys in the universe will attend. A great opportunity for the good guys to destroy the Sith, the Cylon and the Goa'uld once and for all...


Disclaimer: All names and characters are a property of their respective owners, I own nothing and I will not make profit of it!

**BattleStargate Wars**

_In a galaxy far, far, far, faaaaaaaaar away in the present day.  
Republic is no more!  
The Emperor is preparing a party for Darth Vader, who has graduated, after eleven years of study, in dark side knowledge at Tatoo university. All bad guys are invited!_

**Chapter 1: PREPARATIONS  
**

**_ Death Star VII., Emperor's hall._**

_Emperor:_ Admiral Geek!

_Geek (scared):_ Yes, Emperor?

_Emperor_: Have you baked the cake, send out the invitations and called my hairdresser and told him that I'll drop by next Saturday first thing in the morning?

_Geek (frightened):_ Yes, Emperor I have done all but one thing!

_Emperor (angry):_ What didn't you do?!

_Geek (very frightened, speaks quietly):_ I didn't bake the cake! (Emperor is like 'wtf?') It's to early to bake it... (emperor becomes more and more agitated) (Geek starts to speak really fast) Please listen to me! Today it's Tuesday, the party is next week on Saturday and if I bake it today by next week the cake will be stale!

_Emperor (mad):_ How dare you defy me!

_Geek (frightened to death):_ Please! I will bake it right away!

_Emperor (wicked):_ You will not! (Chokes him to death)

**_meanwhile on Tatoo, Darth Vader rushes in the Drunken Sith cantina, yelling:_**

_Darth Vader:_ I have succeeded! Finally I did it!

_Waitress: _You did what?

_Darth Vader: _I graduated!!!

_Waitress: _No, that's not possible! After all these years!

_Darth Vader:_ Yes I know but with the Force, anything is possible! C'mon, give me something to drink!

_Waitress: _Sure! Anything!

_Darth Vader (angry): _I am Anakin no longer!!! Call me Darth Vader!

_Waitress: _WTF???!!! I said anything not Anakin!

_Darth Vader: _Oh! I'm sorry. Anything will do just fine.

_Waitress: _No, what I meant was... (sighs) What drink do you want to order?

_Darth Vader: _Ah, yes! I will have a cup of hot cocoa!

_Waitress: _Cocoa?Are you sure you don't want a beer or something?

_Darth Vader: _No! Beer leads to dark side!

_Waitress: _Darth, you already are on the dark side!

_Darth Vader: _Ah yes, of course?! Then beer it is!

_Waitress: _So, Vader _(she puts a beer on his table) _does the Emperor knows yet?

_Darth Vader: _Indeed he does! He was the first to know! We're having a party next Saturday to honour my succes.! Veles, god of music lended us his discotheque for the night. You can come if you want.

_Waitress: _Sure, I'd love to come!

_Darth Vader: _Wicked! See ya then!

**_at that moment a cantina owner comes around and hears the last part of the conversation between the waitress and Vader._**

_Boss: _Sianna _(the waitress)_, how dare you?! You are my slave and you will go nowhere!

_Sianna: _But, but, I... I ...

_Boss: _But... I... What are you? Retarded? Or do you...

_Darth Vader:_ Hey!

_Boss: _What is it punk? What, you think that this force of yours is goin' to help you when I kick your plastic, black, shiny little ass for interrupting me in the middle of the sentence?

_Darth Vader (submissively): _No. Sorry for interrupting you, oh great Boss of the cantina!

_Boss: _That's more like it! But I don't blame you, you're young and stupid, well not so young anymore, but stupid, that you definitively are! Just like her! _(he start's to laugh)_

_Darth Vader: _Hey!!!

_Boss: _Hey, what boy?!

_Sianna: _Please stop, both of you!

_Boss: _I ain't stopin' now girl! If the helmet boy has something to say, then let him speak! So boy, do you have anything to say?

_Darth Vader: _Well... I think she's not stupid.

_Boss: _Vader, I'm shocked! You THINK?! Tell me, why do you think you have this black helmet on your head, then.

_Darth Vader (thinking for some time): _Actually, I'm not sure.

_Boss: _I'll tell you why! Cos' else your head would explode every time you think! _(laughs hysterically) _But not that it would happen a lot. _(laughs even more hysterically)_

**_Vader starts to cry_**

_Sianna: _Vader, stop weeping! You've graduated from force knowledge, surely you know how to use it! Show him!

_Darth Vader (starts to cry hysterically): _I can't, I cheated, I cheated...

_Boss: _I knew it! HA HA HA HA HA!!!

_Sianna: _What?! How?! Calm down and tell me.

_Darth Vader (stops crying): _I used force persuade on the teacher to give me the diploma!

_Sianna: _Darth, you really are one stupid son of a bantha!

_Darth Vader (again starts to cry hysterically): _Nobody loves me!

_Sianna: _Oh would you stop for god's sake and just listen. See, you used your force power to do something good, well bad in this case, but ultimately you know how to use the Force, don't you see?

_Boss: _Hey, what're you doing?

_Sianna: _Oh nothing, just telling him something he already knows! Now Vader, use your powers on my boss so I can go with you to party next Saturday!

_Boss: _Hey!

_Sianna: _And while you're at it, tell him to set me free and he can also leave this cantina to me!

_Darth Vader: _But I'm not sure I can do that!

_Boss: _Of course you can't!

_Sianna: _You can!

_Darth Vader: _But, it is forbidden by the jedi code to exploit my powers in such manner!

**_Boss&Sianna: (they're both like WTF?)_**

_Sianna: _Vader, you're a sith, you can do anything! _(roars)_ ANYTHING!!!

_Boss: _He can use force my ass! But let us end this! Sianna, you are a treacherous little slave and you must die! I will blast you into oblivion with my Beretta blaster...

_Sianna: _Vader, do something!

_Darth Vader (does the jedi hand thing): _You will not harm her!

_Boss: _You will not harm her!

_Darth Vader: _No! YOU will not harm her!

_Boss: _No! YOU will not harm her!

_Darth Vader: _Stop it!

_Boss: _Stop it!

_Darth Vader: _Looks like there's something wrong with my force persuading!

_Boss: _Nothing is wrong with your force powers, they simply don't work on me you blockhead! _(He shoots Sianna in the head and she dies)_

_Darth Vader: _Oh my god!

_Boss: _What, like you cared for her so much?

_Darth Vader: _No, it's not that, I just... I have never seen a dead person before!

_Boss (is like WTF): _Just so we're clear! I would love to kill you to but the Emperor is a friend of mine, we use to play chess together when we were still schoolboys, so I'll spare you! Now get out!

_Darth Vader (frightened): _Yes, sir!

_Boss (yells at him while he's on his way out): _And just so we're clear, I am coming to the party instead of her!

_Darth Vader (yelling back): _Yes, come, you are always welcome on our Dead Star! Bye!

_Boss (to himself): _It's a Death Star moron!

**_So, the Boss is like WTF, stupid Vader, he then cleans the mess and burns the body in the oven, then he goes to sleep. Or something. _**

**_meantime in the corner of the cantina a dark figure seats and listenes carefully what Vader, The Boss and Sionna are talking. When Vader leaves the cantiana so does the mysterious figure!_**

**_A few minutes later stargate activates under the Chayenne Mountain_**

_General Landry: _Close the iris!

_Sgt. Harriman: _Sir, it's Teal'c's IDC.

_General Landry: _Open the iris! _(sighs) _You know sarge, I'm sick of ''close the iris, open the iris'' thing. From now on you can say that, you're old enough to do that, aren't you?

_Sgt. Harriman: _Sir, yes I am, sir!

_General Landry: _Well don't get to excited, your pay is not getting better, you only have a few lines more to say.

_Sgt. Harriman: _Nevertheless sir! Thank you!

_General Landry: _Yeah.

**_Teal'c steps through the gate_**

_Teal'c: _General Landry, I have important message for you!

_General Landry: _What now?

_Teal'c: _I have just find out that Darth Vader will have a party next Saturday at the Veles's discotheque in the Far, Far gallaxy! I'm sure that the Goa'uld will also be there!

_General Landry: _Meet me in the briefing room at 1700. You have some explaining to do…

**_at that moment admiral Adama beams down in the gate room..._**

_General Landry: _Oh not you again! Hey how the hell did you get beaming technology aboard Glactica?!

_Admiral Adama: _Well, let us say that I to have some connections within this government. But enough of that. My source of information tells me that the Cylon are goin' to Far,Far gallaxy on Vader's party...

_General Landry (sighs): _Both of you: 1700 hours, briefing room!

_**TO BE CONTINUED...**_

Sorry, my english is not perfect,please,  
tell me what you think,  
more of this will come in future, even if you hate it :)


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